On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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