Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
