and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
