You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
don't judge my taste in strippers
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
