If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
