just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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