I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
