i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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