I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
