I'd wear matching sweaters with you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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