I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
