Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
