Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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