Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
