I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
