Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
