I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
