Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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