I heard we made out
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
