i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
