you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
