Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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