I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
