if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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