He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
