Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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