woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
