I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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