so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
