there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
