jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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