What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
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Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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