Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
