I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
