My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
