I'm gonna have a badass scar
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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