my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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