A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
