I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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