hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
