playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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