Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
