i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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