i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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