I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
