strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
