I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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