..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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