I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
