i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
