I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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