There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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