New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You pole danced in your parka.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
