the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
