Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
