im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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