i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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