she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
