how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
