Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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