An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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