Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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