im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I will pee on everything he values.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
