Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
